Passage

Receive your fatwa today

In the name of Kreator, the Ingenious, the Vengeful. All Honor and Gratitude will come to Kreator, blessed are the Disciples of Kreator. To Christian, Satanic Crusader, Impertinent Chihuahua of Ambivalent Sexuality, I say this:

By foolishly driving around with a jesus fish on your bumper and by such making a mockery out of Conservatism, you have called upon you a horrifying and uncomfortable fate. If Kreator - in all his mighty Wisdom and Prudence - wishes so, you shall you be punished by being outsourced to India until the very End of Eternity.

Did Kreator, proud Lion of Conservatism - may peace rest upon him - not warn you which fate would be your part? All Albatros of Annihilation: leave the House of Conservatism or you will encounter the volcanoes of Hate you raised among our people - heroic is our nature - by driving around with a jesus fish on your bumper.

By the Beard of Kreator, the Mujahedeen of Conservatism will triumph over your evil methods of Hatred. With the power of Conservatism and the flaming Sword of Kreator we will diminish your inferior ideologies and Peace will return in the House of Conservatism!

Have a nice day.

[Of course I know that in Islam a fatwa is a scholarly opinion on matters of faith.
(2nd update) and yes, technically this is a curse. So you know. Kreator rules!]

you know who has been so kind to send me a fatwa:

In the name of Sinterklaas, the Gruesome, the Resourceful. All Honor and Gratitude will come to Sinterklaas, blessed are the Disciples of Sinterklaas. To peter, Satan’s Crusader, Flatulent Parrot of Blemished Genealogy, I say this:

By moronically sending me fatwas and by such making a mockery out of Capitalism, you have called upon you a disturbing and displeasing fate. If Sinterklaas - in all his mighty Wisdom and Prudence - wishes so, you shall you be punished with bad hair days until the very End of Eternity.

Did Sinterklaas, proud Lion of Capitalism - may peace rest upon him - not warn you which fate would be your part? All Hedgehogs of Havoc: leave the House of Capitalism or you will encounter the volcanoes of Hate you raised among our people - heroic is our nature - by sending me fatwas.

By the Beard of Sinterklaas, the Mujahedeen of Capitalism will triumph over your evil methods of Hatred. With the power of Capitalism and the flaming Sword of Sinterklaas we will diminish your inferior ideologies and Peace will return in the House of Capitalism!